


Control

by nebulaesailor



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Toxic Relationship, not jaspis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:47:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulaesailor/pseuds/nebulaesailor
Summary: Lapis was the one holding the chains.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm tired of Lapis being seen as a helpless victim who was tortured and abused by big bad Jasper who has to be protected by everyone. That really doesn't do her character nor Jasper's character any justice. Lapis was the one who forced the fusion and chained Jasper against her will at the bottom of the ocean in an attempt to gain control over her life for once. Jasper is by no means blameless but Lapis wasn't the only one to suffer. I tried to portray her fairly, by trying to look at her reasoning behind holding together Malachite. I just hope you can see what I was trying to do.

Lapis could feel Jasper struggle against the chains that bound her to her. Every tug, every thrash. She held on with all her strength. She didn’t hold onto Jasper out of fear. She held on for control. That control to her was more important that life itself, she would rather stay tethered at the bottom of this wretched ocean on this decaying planet if it meant having just one shred of control in her life. 

 

She had spent millennia trapped in stasis as the world and everything she knew went on and left her behind. When Steven had freed her and she was able to fly again, she had gotten just a taste of that long forgotten feeling of freedom. It was all too easily ripped from her hands by Peridot and Homeworld and she was again bound and grounded. It was supposed to be temporary at least, this time there was a sentence to her captivity but she gave it up for Steven and only Steven. She could care less if all the Crystal Gems were shattered or vaporized into dust, it was because of them that she was trapped in that mirror. She owed at least that much to him after nearly killing him and everyone he ever loved. 

 

It was by some sick twist of horrible irony for a Lapis Lazuli to be held captive and caged for so long and by many. Lapis Lazulis were made to fly. They were built with an innate need be free and unrestrained. She needed to feel the wind in her hair as she sped through the cosmos. She needed that feeling of weightlessness and ecstasy that she only felt when she was flying as if even gravity can’t hold her. For her to be caged and grounded for so long was to go against her very nature and being. It was torturous and horribly cruel and they knew it when they put her in that mirror. 

 

It was still torture to be confide in the ocean, bound to Jasper in chains and fusion. She wanted more than anything to be able to fly and see what she had missed out on for all those years trapped in the mirror, even better if it was with Steven. She’d take on all three Diamonds for just a chance to be with Steven. Yet she knew she wouldn’t give up control over Jasper even for him. 

 

It disgusted her in a way, but she needed Jasper. She could no longer see herself without Jasper being there, bound to her both in mind and body. She got a sick pleasure and a great deal of catharsis out of taking her feelings out Jasper. She loved seeing her claw and struggle to get to the surface of the water, to feel her exhaustion and desperation. She’d let Jasper get close enough that she could look at her face through the water’s reflection, just as she use to see Pearl through the mirror, then she’d tighten the chains and pull her back down into the depths of Malachite’s mind. 

 

“See how it feels to have freedom so close that you can see it right before your eyes only to have it ripped out right in front of you!” She’d yell as Jasper screamed out in rage and despair at being sent back into darkness. 

 

It was sickening how much joy she got out of torturing Jasper. It wasn’t as if this wasn’t done to her countless times over thousands of years and by Jasper herself several times! She was finally gaining back the control she was denied so many times, she deserved it more than anyone else. It was almost nice having someone there suffering alongside her verses when she was in the mirror and was totally alone.

 

Though it was almost relieving to have a partner in suffering, a horrible thing about fusion is that you are able to feel the other person’s thoughts and emotions. Jasper reacted positively to her emotions, she was drunk on her power to the point it consumed her mind. Lapis, however, felt as if Jasper’s emotions were smothering her. Jasper’s intense self-loathing and self-pity suffocated and nearly blotted out whatever shreds of self-esteem and positivity she had. It consumed her every thought and feeling until she almost forgot who she was. She struggled to block it out and contain it, tears ran down her dirty cheeks and quiet sobs racked her body as she tried desperately to regain her sense of self. 

 

When she finally came back to her senses, she found herself holding on to the chains all the tighter until it dug into her hand and made her bleed. The pain helped her retain a grasp on reality and herself. She looked down at her reflection on the water’s surface that of all things resembled a mirror, and was taken aback at what she saw. Her eyes were hard and cold like uncut diamonds set in stone, they were the color of the sea during a hurricane. She was unkempt and disheveled from constantly fighting for control with Jasper, her skirt torn and dirty and her hair was a complete rat’s nest. Her mouth was pulled into an ever present frown that lined her face which both spoke of exhaustion and unhappiness. 

 

She barely recognized herself. Lapis was no longer the polished uppercrust gem she use to be, she was chipped and scratched from the earth’s raging tides, worn down by years of abuse and suffering. She liked how she looked, it fit what happened to her. She now had a ragged unpolished flawed beauty to her that she took pride in. 

 

Her existence down here by no means was enjoyable or great, but she felt full and confident regardless. She hated it but she didn’t want to change it. She finally had control over her life even if it meant just having control over Jasper. She wasn’t just doing it for Steven and she definitely wasn’t doing it for the Crystal Gems. She was doing it for herself.

When a Lapis Lazuli comes into contact with water it dissolves and becomes toxic. True to her name, Lapis lost herself the moment she came into contact with the earth. It’s water had corrupted her and turned her into something she never thought she’d be. Her desire for control mixed with oceans that she used to chain her and Jasper together for eternity was more powerful than any toxin in the galaxy. Her power poisoned and pained her, yet she could not let go of the chains. For she was finally in control.

**Author's Note:**

> I finished this all in one sitting and it took HOURS. I get extra points because I have ADHD and it makes this extra torturous.


End file.
